I Am Not Going To Run...

Yesterday's Challenge

2010-06-30T14:04:00.003-05:00

I signed up for this year's triathlon to give me a goal and a concrete reason to eat right and exercise. (Beyond the maddeningly nebulous "You'll feel better and live longer.") Assuming all goes well and I complete it I will be able to accurately say, "I do triathlons." Present tense and plural, see? Something I never got to with the single, measly marathon I ran. "I ran a marathon." Yeah, well. Is it still 1996? No, it is not.

So yesterday I biked about 13 miles, the distance of the bike leg of the triathlon I have currently only done once, then immediately ran a little under two miles. I felt the feeling of rubbery, almost missing legs that I remember experiencing for the first time at last year's triathlon. This run-bike combo is something I intend to do a few more times so I get used to it. Got plenty of sleep last night and am feeling good today, so I feel like I got back on track after four days with no exercise.

The tough thing will be the swim, as I no longer belong to a club and don't have access to a place to practice swimming. But that's so ingrained from junior high swim team that I'm sure I'll be at least middle of the pack.

Time to beat: 1:41:57. After yesterday's workout and against my superstitious nature, I'm calling it right now: I WILL beat that time.

The Ten Percent Challenge

2009-11-05T12:20:00.002-06:00

Sometime last year I was talking with my friend Chazz Vader and he said that some people in his family had decided on a ten percent weight loss challenge. They were going to try to lose ten percent of their weight to get healthier. I was somewhere between 210 and 215 at the time and I thought that was pretty much out of the question for me.

Fast forward to now. This morning I was actually at 188, down more than ten percent from 210. How did I do it? During the summer I exercised; running, biking, swimming, and competing in a triathlon. That was pretty easy, as I enjoy getting out to exercise once in a while.

More recently I did something far more difficult. I stopped overeating and stopped eating junk food. Mostly. This was partly possible for me because I am reading the book The End Of Overeating. The book is very scientific, but I can sum it up, or at least what I've taken away from it so far, fairly briefly.

In the last thirty years food has become "hyperpalatable". In other words, it tastes better, combining sugar, fat, and salt in ever more creative ways. This heavily processed food has become easier to eat, requiring less chewing than any naturally occurring foods. This interacts with our body's reward systems in such a way that we can eat a lot of food without hardly even noticing it.

The takeaway for me is sort of a Buddhist thing. I can experience desire for food and then pinpoint the sources and reasons for that desire without actually having to fulfill the desire by eating. When I sit down at a restaurant, especially if someone else is paying, and I haven't eaten for a while, I am tempted to order, for example, Chicken Wings, Diet Coke, Burger, Fries. In the past, I have done this and by the end of the meal I've eaten a lot of hyperpalatable food - far more than it would have taken to end my hunger. I've often felt bloated and slow.

How Does That Play Out In Real Life?

Recently I went to a chain restaurant that serves exactly the brand of hyperpalatable, huge portion food that the book The End Of Overeating speaks of. Everything is cheesy, saucy, fried twice, and the portion served is way, way more than a person needs to eat. Plus, free chips and salsa! What did I do?

I didn't have ANY chips or salsa. I ordered a relatively modest burrito (It was the smallest meal at the table) and ate it. I drank water instead of pop or beer. I ate slowly enough that the parts of my body that register satisfaction would have time to do so before I had eaten more food than I needed. I didn't finish everyone else's leftover food. I let them throw it away or take it home. It seems so simple when I spell it out like this, but it was pretty much a completely new approach to food for me.

It was as though I could see more clearly than I'd ever seen before. All the cues for me to overeat were there and I could see them and appreciate them instead of thoughtlessly responding to them. In that sense it was very Buddhist as I understand that devotion.

A Superflous Headline To Further Break Up This Long Post

On an average day I drink no soda, no caffeiene, and no alcohol. I probably eat about ten percent less than I used to. We'll see what the holidays do to all this, but I feel great so far. I feel more agile and less sluggish. It's hard to believe I actually lost ten percent, but there it is.

Relax Your Face! Relax Your Face!

2009-08-03T20:21:00.002-05:00

Here are the details of a first time triathlete. This is the extended mix. There is no single edit. Endure.

I was up around 5 a.m. and decided that all the sleep I'd gotten the previous two nights had left me perfectly ready to get up just that early. I did my five back/legs Yoga exercises. I got all my stuff ready and went down for breakfast. Dad made me four scrambled eggs, toast, and soy bacon. I had a third of a cup of regular coffee, as recommended by the book I read. Perfect. I was awake and fueled.

We put the bike on the back of the car and my support team and I went to Cleary Lake. We parked in a far grassy field. I was very nervous, unsure whether my preparations and training would be enough. I felt reassured when I entered the "transition area" and everyone seemed friendly and it was plenty spacious.

Dad acted perfectly as my valet, holding whatever I didn't need at that moment and walking back to the car for a towel when I realized that would be helpful in the first transition. (After swimming that is. Seems like an easy one but it hadn't occurred to me.) We sorted through the stuff in the bag I was given after we found the registration area. It was mostly freebies and ads, but I got the race number and ankle strap with an electronic timing chip. I got my number (280) written on my arm, hand, and leg in magic marker at the area where that was going on.

We went back to the transition area and I set up my bike, helmet, and jersey. I asked a volunteer if I needed to wear my number in the water. He asked someone else to make sure and it turns out I did not. I attached the number to my new jersey and left it by Dad's bike. (Right this second I'm listening to iTunes on shuffle and Neil Diamond's "Headed For The Future" is not, technically, a very good song. Or is it? Good Lord it is something. It is definitely headed somewhere, seemingly straight for the excesses of mid 80s synthetic pop. I might call these excesses "wretched" if I were a self-aggrandizing rock critic who made his own tree seem taller by cutting down other peoples' (ahem, Greil Marcus!) but I am not and I actually kind of like them and see the logic behind them.)

Anyway, I headed down to the beach in my triathlon shorts, feeling very exposed and chilly. I had my goggles and yellow swim cap, which color identified me as a 35-39 year old man to swim in the fourth heat at 8:09 a.m. I waded into the water and put my cap on. I put my goggles on and the band snapped. I crudely tied it to the frame of the actual eyepiece. The first three heats took off to the "Ready...(gunshot)" and my heat was called. Ready...BANG!

I can't describe how very, very strange it was to try to swim fast in a straight line with only dark brown water below, a wavy surface, and bodies crashing all around me. Seaweed brushed my face and my skin over and over. I was glad I'd practiced breathing straight ahead to find my way. I was glad I'd read some books that told me it would be weird. I felt a slight urge to panic, but easily calmed it with some rhythmic, strong swimming and mental discipline.

I found that I was one of the faster swimmers in my heat, which was a surprise. I kept crashing into people's feet until I just went ahead and passed them without worrying about them catching back up with me and/or feeling put upon. It's a race after all. I think I was well within etiquette and no one passed me. I was pleasantly surprised by how fast a quarter mile goes by when you don't have to do a flip turn every twenty-two and a half yards.

I ran happily out of the water, stripping off my cap and goggles and waving to my parents. My dad wore a Memphis, TN t-shirt and shouted, "Go Memphis!" I understood later that he'd worn that t-shirt on purpose and was excited about it. Typical supportiveness from both my parents throughout this whole enterprise. They told me later I was third or fourth out of the water in my heat.

I got to the transition area, dropped my cap and goggles, dried off a bit, and put my jersey, socks and shoes, and helmet on. I walked the bike out of the transition area then hopped on that particular bicycle for the first time ever. My mom took some pictures as I rode off towards the park entrance.

The bike ride was long and I had similar decisions to make about who I would actually be faster than and who might be mad that I passed them. It was a whole heck of a lot more spread out, though, and I got over it. Never had an unpleasant encounter. All were friendly and there was plenty of "on your left" and "coming up on your right" and so forth. The long country roads were all very hilly and I felt very sensitive to variations in grade. I tried to keep a steady rhythm using whatever gear would facilitate that. It was tough and about twice as many people passed me as I passed.

If there was one thing I would do differently (and there is) it would be to have a hydration system installed on the bike. Guys were whipping by me with fantastic combinations of handlebars that allowed them to lean forward and straws that allowed them to drink at will and easily. I am pretty sure I got dehydrated. Early on in the bike part I ate a Vanilla Bean goo tube, which mostly seemed to make me thirsty. I was very glad to turn back west and then north. I was even happier when a woman yelled that I'd passed the nine mile point. I got back into the park and one of the almost finished runners (with whom bikers briefly shared a path) yelled some encouragement like "Keep going strong, Buddy!" and I felt good.

I came in towards the transition area and my folks cheered for me. I hung my bike back up and started the run. My legs felt like I was still on the bike. They weren't in pain but were nevertheless crying out to just stop for a second and get their bearings. I did not do this. I was too eager to reach that water station at the first mile. I felt that if I stopped I was not sure I would start again. My legs felt very, very strange. It was something completely new, which one doesn't necessarily get every day.

I felt like I'd never get to the first water station. A young woman was a little ways ahead of me and I kind of paced myself by her for a while. That or I kept my head straight down looking only at the ground directly in front of me. I couldn't bear to think about how much distance I had left to cover, even though (unlike the marathon in 1996) I was absolutely not in pain. To sum it up, I was dehydrated and my legs felt weird.

I'll always be grateful to the woman who shouted at me shortly after that first mile of the run (at which I got two cups of water). She said, "Relax your face! Relax your face!" and made appropriate hand gestures regarding which direction the muscles in my face might go if I relaxed them. It is very good advice and it's amazing how different a run feels when you're not grimacing and squinting. I relaxed my face, my shoulders, and felt ten times better. Plus I'd finally drunk some water. I started pushing it a little when I got to the spot on the path that said 4K. I didn't want to leave any energy unused.

I was wondering how much time had gone by the whole time and there were no indications of that anywhere. I was very pleased when I ran in and saw that I was under two hours. I was hoping to finish under three hours. I turned in my timing chip, they read something that sounded kind of like my name, and I got my finisher's medal. I walked quite a ways off into the picnic area by myself to cool down. I was very happy and not in pain. My training and preparation were adequate, my support team was outstanding, and everything about the race exceeded my expectations.

My parents hugged me and said how proud they were. We got some free fruit and drinks. I ate a packet of Organic Energy Chews my dad had kept in his shirt pocket for me. After a while I ate the protein bar I'd put there as well. He had a hot dog and we had gatorade and water, all sitting at a picnic table talking about the race. We sat there for a while then stood near the presentation area near the finish line and watched the drawing winners get their sweatshirts and the race winners get their trophies. My parents noted that if either of them had entered and finished it they would have won their gender/age group as the sole entrant.

So, hey, what were my results? I was 170th out of about 300 overall, 28th out of 32 men aged 35-39, with a time of 1:41:57. It was great and I intend to do it again.

Eeee-Yyyyeeeeaaaaaaaah!

2009-06-27T12:11:00.002-05:00

I just had a great, great ride along the Willard Munger trail. The bar where we're playing tonight and last night put us up at the Willard Munger Inn, which I can't recommend highly enough for cycling enthusiasts. The proprietor was very friendly and communicated well. (Her expectations about us as a rock band were hilariously off the mark. "We're not that kind of band." said Justin when she respectfully asked us to not party loudly late into the night. Ha ha ha.) Anyway, they offer free bicycle rentals for guests, which I noted beforehand so brought my new shorts and old helmet.

The ride seemed really tough on the way out and I was somewhat out of breath, but partly because I was singing when it occurred to me to do so. I find that singing while I bike takes the place of the iPod I use when I run. There was not a soul in sight for most of the ride. I went out a little over seven miles according to the markers.

On the way back it seemed much, much easier and I think it was downhill. I believe I was literally on a mountain and I certainly was on one figuratively and mentally. Gorgeous views, light rain. And about a mile away from the hotel (The trail begins twenty yards from my room's patio) I stopped when a deer was in the path ahead of me. I stared at her for a while without moving and let her decide to run away on her own. It capped a magical ride through bluffs, forest, hills, and panoramic views near Duluth.

I have now accomplished each part of the triathlon. I have yet to put it all together but I have a little over a month left. I feel good.

Brief Ride, Long Run

2009-06-15T17:09:00.003-05:00

I rode my 15 year old Trek bike to Erik's Bike Shop this morning as soon as they opened and dropped it off for a tune up. I asked the guy if there was someone in the store who could offer me advice on triathlons.

"Like what?"
"Well, like, I don't even know what the order is. What comes first?"
"It's swim, bike, run."
"Swim, bike, run. Okay."
"That guy over there, James, he's more our triathlon guy."

But James was with one of those customers who looks like they're lonely and just wants to talk and so has commandeered someone in retail whose job it is to be nice. (How do I recognize such a person? It's easy once you've been a bank teller, believe me.) So I left and ran home as I'd planned. But at least now I know that. Swim, bike, run. Got it.

Also, I noticed that "triathlon" has only one total "a".

Listened to David Bowie's "Stage" album while running and it was great. I know you can't listen while in an official race but I love to when I'm not officially racing. Here's a representative quote from that album:

DON'T LOOK AT THE CAR- PET

I DREW SOME- THING AWFULONIT

I love that line and the way it is delivered. "Low", which has the original studio version of "Breaking Glass", the song referenced here ("Stage" is a live album), is the album of the month at our house and I like it more every time I listen. And we listen a lot. Side B, which is largely instrumental, can turn my seemingly normal suburban neighborhood into a mysterious cypher spilling over with silent secrets as I run through it. Angelo Badalamenti, who scored Twin Peaks, obviously listened to the album a few hundred times.

Good Week

2009-06-13T23:55:00.003-05:00

For the first time in a long time I ran three times this week. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. Plus I did yoga a few times to stretch and strengthen my legs and back. I got my bicycle out of the garage and reinstalled the front tire and inflated both tires. I'm going to take it to the shop for a tune up. I need to plan my training so I don't end up a wreck like I was after the marathon in '96. That's going to take some time and I will probably use some online tools at active.com but basically I am starting to feel like I will be ready to do the triathalon. Sweet!

I AM Going To Run, Bike, and Swim

2009-06-10T16:02:00.003-05:00

I have signed up for a triathalon. My knee has been feeling good and yesterday I stretched out a little bit for my longest run of the year with no discernable problems. I've been doing some yoga and that feels good. A 13 mile bike ride, 5K run, and 1/4 of a mile swim might be just the thing. Well, it better be because it was almost 60 bucks with the b.w.c. fee. (bank insider's term meaning "because we can") Sweet!

Anybody know a good bike repair shop?

More Pool Madness

2009-04-30T14:51:00.004-05:00

So I took the whole family to the pool. We're swimming around, the kids are making friends with other kids, we're talking to a fellow parent, and the whole right side of my swimsuit just tears itself to shreds. Yeah, it's old. Yeah, it's been decimated by the chlorine content of and frequent use in the LifeTime pool. Yeah, I have to stick the pin through it to hold my key while I swim and avoid the $40 lost key fee. But as Gob Bluth might say, Come On!

I sort of pinned it together with the key and held it together for the mercifully short walk to one of the family changing rooms. And thankfully, while I am not a nevernude, I keep underpants on under the suit and its liner, which didn't tear at all. It was merely awkward, not illegal.

So I had a reduced workout this week of elliptical and weights and no swimming while I wait until I'm back at my weekly Target visit to exchange the swimsuit I bought to replace it with the next size up.

Ziggy Played Guitar

2009-03-31T14:22:00.013-05:00

I have found my perfect workout album. It is the 1990 Rykodisc reissue of David Bowie's 1972 masterpiece Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. It rocks, it's emotional, it's energetic, it's catchy, it's the right length, I don't have to turn my iPod up and down to hear the whole thing clearly, and it's very familiar to me. Last night I listened to the whole thing (including the five bonus tracks, which are everything that bonus tracks should be - two songs that were released at the same time in a different format, one alternate mix of another such song, and two revealing, high quality demos of key album tracks - it's a total mystery why the two labels that have released this music yet again since 1990 did not include these perfectly selected bonus tracks. Anyway...)

while I did 35 minutes of elliptical and five upper body strength exercises recommended by my coach. Then I did another 20 minutes of elliptical, cooling down with the bonus tracks from disc two of the 2006 reissue of Kristy MacColl's Titanic Days. By then it was somewhat late and after 600 calories of elliptical fat burn I had the pool to myself, racing through my 15 laps.

Some of you have heard the story of what happened the last time I attempted to be even moderately friendly with a stranger who spoke to me at the pool. Well, another such circumstance occurred last week. I was relaxing a bit, down to my final length of the pool. The woman in the lane next to me asked me how I could stand to swim in the water. Then she noticed I was only temporarily without goggles, having momentarily tossed them to the deck in exhaustion. I said that it was indeed really tough and that the first time I tried it without goggles and I could hardly see the next day (true). Then it occurred to me to offer her my goggles. I've never been thrilled with them and she didn't have any. I thought it would be a Christ like thing to do. But, based on my previous experience (ask me if you haven't heard) I simply put them back on my head, swam my final length, and went to the locker room without another word.

Fast forward to last night. I see the pool is uncluttered, shower to appear polite, then go to put my goggles on and SNAP! Broken band. I got them tied together awkwardly so I could at least swim right away but I kind of wished I had given them away after all! I can't win.

(Incidentally, if purchasing the above albums, it'd be a good idea to confirm exactly what edition you're getting beforehand with the seller you select. I almost bought an old version of TD without the second disc from a seller who wasn't paying enough attention to exactly which pages he was using to offer his wares.)

New Thing

2009-02-23T16:27:00.004-06:00

I'd plateaued. I was bored. At the advice of my new coach I've added some strength conditioning to the workout to break through a plateau. Bride is my coach for this, having extensive experience in this area dating back to the early 90s. So far I have learned that in addition to my near certain inability to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon I am also not particularly strong. But this is good. I can build from here.

I took January off completely figuring the club would be all full of resolutionaries. I've gone only twice in February but am trying to get back into an at least once a week kind of groove. That's where it's at.

Layoff

2009-01-15T12:33:00.001-06:00

Well, I haven't been going to the club because I am guessing the club would be miserable what with all the New Years Resolution crowd clogging it up and hogging everything. But I will go sometime before the end of the month and I am armed with a new workout designed by Bride to get me past the 200 pound plateau I seemed to have hit.

I say "seemed" because I was at 196 this morning. Pretty cool. I feel good. I think it might be all the shoveling, plus good sleep and healthy, reasonable eating.

Pool of Tears, Bag of Chips

2008-12-09T14:12:00.003-06:00

I skipped yoga this week because I was having too much fun with my kids, my shoulder hurts a little, and it was really snowing and I was going to either miss the beginning and/or have a way too small space in the crowded class, probably near a wall, door, closet, office, etc. Been there. No fun.

I went much later and did 45 minutes of elliptical. Because I was late and well after the after work crowd, I got the most desirable elliptical machine - the one where a giant support column blocks the view of tv showing Fox News. Ah. Listened to the last four tracks of Moody Blues Anthology disc two, with which I am less familiar than some of their other work, then most of Tropical Brainstorm by Kirsty MacColl, always a favorite.

Hit the pool, thinking I'd be the only one there, but no. A man was there with his young daughter. She was probably seven or so. As it was about ten at night my first thought was somewhat judgmental - "why isn't she in bed?" But in between sets of swim team memory inspired assignments to myself (I can hear coach Blackburn saying, "200 IM on the top!" - which means down and back one time each with fly, back, breast, free when the second hand reaches 60), I caught the sounds of them playing and looked over once in a while.

He was being so kind to her, they were having so much fun, and she so obviously loved him and reveled in his attention that it brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to say something like, "God bless you for being so kind and spending your time with your family," or "This time you're giving her now is going to pay off a thousandfold, brother," or "You and the people like you are the people who are really making a difference in the world, my fellow father."

I really thought about actually doing it. But of course I didn't. Who am I, Mr. Rogers? Would it have been appropriate and affirming or just awkward? Knowing myself, most likely the latter. But here's to you, unnamed man. Salud.

---------------------------------

There is about a quarter of a bag of guacamole chips in the pantry at my house. It has been there since before I started going to the gym. I do not eat it. Why not? Because I am in the habit of not eating it.

I like guacamole chips. They're probably my favorite chip in the chip family if such a thing exists. And I certainly do get hungry after dinner, especially if I'm going to watch a DVD with Bride. However, it has now become a habit to go look at the bag, think about the green chalky fingers that would result, and then not eat anything. It's like insurance against late night eating. Weird, but it works.

200

2008-12-04T12:04:00.005-06:00

It's just a number in our arbitrary system of measuring things's masses as they interact with Earth's gravity, but I am at it as of this morning. Very exciting. I feel lighter. I remember talking to Chazz when I was interacting with Earth's gravity more to the tune of 210-215 and him saying we should both lose 10%. I thought that was kind of nuts, but now...maybe. 190? Could happen. What would it be like? Would I like it more or less? Maybe I'll find out if I stay on this healthy path.

Yo-GUH! Yo-GUH!

2008-11-18T09:09:00.003-06:00

That is how I prefer to spell it for my own reasons. Another great workout last night with Yoguh, elliptical, and pool. Weight 203 this morning. That got as high as 215 this year, so that's pretty good. I'm feeling good.

Oh, also the 15 actual rare tracks from R.E.M.'s somewhat ripoffy 2 disc Best Of 1982-87 make a terrific 45 minute elliptical workout soundtrack. Volume level is very even, drowning out the Lifetime Video Channel "music", on which I've seen each video at least twice now, as well as any cell phone or other conversations going on around me. That's how I workout best. I did have to re-sequence the tracks into chronological order but that was a snap with iTunes. "Decide yourself if radio's gonna stay! Reason it could polish up the grey!" YEAH!

A Whole New Thing

2008-10-29T16:05:00.004-05:00

So what I'm doing now is I go to a beginner yoga class whenever my schedule allows and get to the gym about twice a week. I do the yoga class if it's that night then I follow it with the following (or do the following alone with no class):

A) 45 minutes elliptical machine on the "Fat Burn" program. I stay in my easy burnin' zone of 120 HBPM while watching the World Series or Chuck or music videos or political discussion or all of the above. The place has TVs growing out of the ceiling like mildew and (mostly) irritating music on everywhere, including the freaking locker room. I honestly wish it had neither so I could just listen to my magical iPod. Oh well. WPP.

B) 15 laps in the pool. I'll break it down in swim team terms:
25 free
100 breast
200 IM (50 each of fly, back, breast, free)
100 back
200 IM
100 breast
25 free

(25 = one length of the pool.) I start at the deep end and take my rests in the shallow end. Depending on how hard I push myself my heart rate gets up around 170. If I've done the yoga class that night and pool is my third exercise category - guess what? I don't push it that hard.

It's a great workout and I would do it every other day if my schedule allowed. I don't weigh myself every day (good advice, Chazz) but when I weighed myself a couple days ago just out of curiosity I was at 205 fully dressed. That is a big improvement. That's like 2 percent weight loss.

I've also been eating pretty well. I call it the "eat what you feed your children" diet. I get far more fruit than I did as a bachelor and I haven't seen the inside of a Chinese Buffet in, I believe, years. It's pretty much three squares these days as opposed to the starve-gorge-repeat on no predictable timetable. Good times for my body and its interlocking systems. Totally on track now to not run the 2009 Twin Cities Marthon in under four hours, which is, of course, the point.

(Did I even mention on this blog that I joined a gym? I hope so. I did, btw.)

Join The Club

2008-09-15T19:54:00.002-05:00

So Bride's company is run by a guy who used to work at a health club. Now we have a sweet deal and have joined the club. So far I have done 25 minutes of eliptical and ten laps in the pool. I think this will be great, but I learned the hard way not to even try to go on a Monday night (parking a nightmare), which is why I am here and not there. Still not going to really test the knees, but I think I will make eliptical then swim part of my weekly routine somewhere in time. May even try to figure out the advertised shuttle bus system and get to the Monday night beginner yoga class, but we'll see. Fool me once...don't mess with Texas.

I Am Not Going To Run

2008-09-09T18:49:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I am living up to the title of the blog. I have one of those lingering summer colds that just makes me feel crappy most of the time. My knees don't feel 100%. I am going to try to solve that problem by buying some new everyday shoes tomorrow. I tend to hang on to shoes until they are falling apart and my current pair are no exception and they are providing little to no padding or support. I don't know when I'm going to run or even walk (boring) for exercise again. This has been something of a lost season for me. Me and Michael Cuddyer. I'm pretty much feeling in "maybe next year" mode.

On the positive side, I love winter and am eager for all this bright sunshine requiring sunscreen and all that to be a distant memory. Shoveling will be good and force me to do yoga for the sake of my back. Wow, that was a real stretch as far as positivity goes. Anyway. See ya.

Oh, another positive is that with the stuffed up nose and a sore under my tongue I am not eating a whole lot because it is not enjoyable to eat! Is that really a positive? No, no it is not.

Also, I forgot to bring the list of things I was going to get done on the internet to the library. This has been a typical Tuesday, which means I will be glad when it's over. Unlike yesterday, which was awesome all over the place. Typical Monday of Accomplishment and Purpose.

Walking: Boring

2008-09-02T12:46:00.001-05:00

Well, I went for a walk yesterday just like I said I would. I listened (finally) to the iPod playlist Bride made for me. It was fun, but because I was walking not running it ended a little more than halfway through my route.

Hey, know what? Walking alone through a path you've been through many, many times is boring. I wanted to run. I disciplined myself though, and just kept walking. My knees feel fine today. I'll try again tomorrow morning, I think.

Eating

2008-08-20T14:37:00.004-05:00

I think for my exercise/diet plan this month I will do the following:

Not go to the State Fair

That should save me some pounds and a few points off my cholesterol while my knees continue to heal for the big return to running next month. Last night I should have gone to bed hungry but I was really hungry after the show so I scavenged some leftover french fries wrapped in corned beef plus trail mix with mini-M&Ms and watched The Princess Bride - a movie that still holds up remarkably well 21 years later.

Still Hurts

2008-08-18T19:28:00.002-05:00

I tried a little exploratory running between songs at a recording session on a farm and my knees are acting up today and letting me know that was not necessarily a good idea. The plan now is for a nice, slow walk on Monday, September 1, early in the morning. If nothing else, I will finally get to hear the surprise iPod playlist Bride created and loaded up for me. Weight has been around 208-210.

In Case You Were Wondering

2008-08-14T11:00:00.002-05:00

My knees still feel a little twinge every now and then so I am considering shutting it down until September 1st. It's strange, but I feel like I have some new insight into how, say, Michael Cuddyer might feel. Would I feel worse or better if someone were paying me 10 million dollars? Okay, that was a dumb question.

Not Running

2008-08-08T15:21:00.002-05:00

A lot of work has been causing Bride to go in to the office at such hours as I would have to get up well before dawn to run. Plus I'm letting the knees have another week or so to recover from dramatic overuse. Hoping all the stars align for Monday, August 11 as a running morning for me.

More Injury: Wounded Knee

2008-07-30T19:09:00.006-05:00

Well, my right knee is acting up. As is, to a lesser extent, my left knee. I did maybe overdo it a little, running four times and doing yoga once in an eight day span. But I was restarting my exercise program!

I ran Monday morning and my iPod played everything exactly in order, skipping nothing. I should maybe not have tagged on an extra time around the pond at the end just so I could hear "You're Gonna Miss This" in its entirety. My finishing sprint was non-existent because the knee had been really hurting for a while. It hurt all day and all day the next day, but today (Wednesday) it feels better. Still, if I learned anything from the left big toe it's DON'T PUSH IT. So I'm calling it. No more running this week. Crap.

This is a double shame, because Bride just created a custom iPod playlist for me on her computer and loaded it on to my iPod. Given the fascinating predilections of Bride I am understandably eager to hear it and run to it. Double crap. (I am, of course, forbidden to listen to it until I am running. Duh.)

See you Monday, when it starts again again. Only stronger. And smarter.

Incidentally, I am adding more albums to my running playlist. Steve Winwood's voice and upbeat, encouraging spirit is really working for me, so Traffic's Smiling Phases two-disc best-of is going on there. Also Genesis Invisible Touch - no one does thunderous ear-to-ear toms like Phil Collins.

My iPod Is Causing Magical Thinking

2008-07-24T12:11:00.004-05:00

This morning I ran with a couple new tunes on there. I put on "Tears In Heaven" because I have always found that song to be absolutely the perfect tempo and often played it in my mind for long, long periods of time as I ran pre-iPod. I also put on "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins, which made me sob uncontrollably. Thankfully I did not pass anyone while this was playing.

Then, the weird. The iPod shuffle completely skipped the R.E.M. part and most of the Mellow & Catchy to go straight to "We Belong". I want to emphasize that it was NOT on shuffle mode. It should logically have played Judy Collins's "Both Sides Now", which would have allowed me to gain control of myself and finish my run with dignity, if not necessarily a burst of power.

As it is I finished very, very strong with a sprint and as I cooled down and came within sight of my house to see Bride watering our front yard bushes iPod mischeviously threw Juice Newton's "Angel Of The Morning" at me and I sang along as I approached her in her work clothes and she instinctively shrank from the possibility of a sweaty hug, which I am old enough and smart enough not to think would be funny.

So what's the deal, iPod shuffle? Are you trying to control my emotions or what? I don't mind, I'm just asking. If you've become sentient I want to know. I won't do anything about it (I've seen TNG "Measure of a Man" and I know your rights) I just want to know.

More iPod

2008-07-21T19:14:00.005-05:00

Despite going to bed before 9 p.m. last night, I was so sleepy this morning that I almost didn't run. Then I thought of the Steve Winwood albums I'd loaded on to the iPod and got up and went. It was a good run. I mostly listened to 1980's Arc of A Diver album. The "keeper" tracks from that are Arc of a Diver, Spanish Dancer, and Night Train. It's interesting to learn what my standards are for music on the run. They are definitely NOT the same as music in the house.

I need lots of snare and toms - lots of pounding. Hi-hat and other cymbals just mess with my pace. The only time tempo is an issue is when there's a constant high frequency ticking - Hi-hat mostly. Catchy hooks and inspiring lyrics. Not lyrics that make me laugh or think, just powerful, emotional encouragement. R.E.M.'s Living Well Is The Best Revenge is working great for me, for example. Very, very different from what I like in the house! I need POWER POWER POWER.

Flying To My Home followed by Arc was as far as I got. Didn't even reach the R.E.M. or Mellow & Catchy segements today. I think I was running pretty fast. I felt like I could have done more, but I just kept to the known, sustainable course. Maybe next week I will add a little bit extra.

I also drew up my exercise chart with the system I described in the previous post. I put an "E" down for July 21, the first day of the rest of my life. Had a great day with the kids - everything right on schedule, good naps, lots of fun. Felt really good all day.

iPod Therefore iRan

2008-07-19T14:31:00.004-05:00

So one of my most trusted advisors upgraded from her iPod Shuffle and strongly suggested I take it, as it might be the answer for my recent non-motivation-to-run problems. I was skeptical for three reasons:

1. Inconsistent Mastering. That is, that songs taken from different albums and different artists would be at different volumes and listening to iPod mixes would be a frustrating exercise in the constant need for volume control.

2. Battery Life. Or lack thereof. I could be on a run and the thing would die and then where would I be?

3. Poor Sound Quality. I have listened to CDs for so long (and before that LPs), both of which, when they are done right, leave me with the feeling that I am actually listening to the music as the artist intended. I have not really listened to a lot of mp3s.

But as I loaded it up (which was quite easy – I should have known, it being Mac-based and all) with the songs that have been going through my head recently I got excited about it. I loaded it on a Thursday and took it out Friday (yesterday) morning.

The first, a capella notes of Paul McCartney's "Flying to My Home", an underrated, underheard Flowers in the Dirt B-side, evoked the times during and after college when I would listen to that on my walkman (that's on a cassette single, kids) when I would fly to visit my parents where I lived during high school. Pretty sweet and the stereo separation and the fact that it was right in my ears and that no one else could hear it was all sort of fun and special in a way. It was like my neighborhood and I suddenly became a movie and had a soundtrack.

I started running to that and two other McCartney Flowers-era B-sides, then R.E.M.'s new Live in London 9 song EP came on. It was significantly quieter than the McCartney tracks so I pulled the iPod out of my shirt pocket for the first time, annoyed and thinking my worst fears were coming true. (Well, my worst fear was that I would get distracted and hit by a car. But I think the earphones actually make me more vigilant, if that's possible. Anyway…) I turned it up but then after three songs it stopped dead with a big pop. Stee-rike Two!

I shut it off and back on and when I pressed play it had jumped to Seals & Croft's "Summer Breeze". This was way down the playlist, but I didn't feel like monkeying around with it and just let it go. It was part of the third playlist segment, "Mellow & Catchy" featuring "Precious & Few", "Angel of the Morning", "Both Sides Now", etc. I intentionally named it "Mellow & Catchy" because it sounds a little like a disease. A disease where you can't stop singing "I've looked at clouds from both sides now..." A disease which I've passed along to my wife a couple times in the last few months. "Precious and few are the moments we two can share..." These are songs I can now look back on fondly, even nostalgically, because I do not work as a bank teller anymore and am not subjected to them two and sometimes three times a day.

I had finished the main challenge hill and was coming down the street that my house is on, about a half mile to go. It was a hard run, because I hadn't really exercised much lately. I was getting a slight runner's high and a song came on I didn't immediately recognize. It was all about scaling the mountains in front of us and then…"Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong…where the eagles fly…" and I suddenly GOT IT! I understood why Chazz Vader posts lyrics from songs to which he works out.

I felt as though I was doing something impossibly heroic. I could have cried. I kind of did. The combination of the workout and the music was incredible. Because I am such a funny guy, I had put "We Belong" right after "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong". This second 80s hit in a row continued the heroic feeling seamlessly.

I finished with a strong, powerful sprint and then the next logical song came on. "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong"…"We Belong"…wait for it…"Longer". Ha ha! Get it? Yeah. It was a good cool down as I came in to my house to those I have loved "longer than there've been fishes in the heavens" or whatever it is.

It was so great I went out and did it again today, although I made more of an effort to hear the rest of the R.E.M. segment after it stopped dead again in the same place. I'll have to see if I can fix that.

Certain songs, I am finding, are good for running and some are not. I can see myself continuing to experiment and eventually programming a mix that would cause me to whip through my run effortlessly. I can not wait to get back out there again, but I'll probably take tomorrow off to rest my 36 year old knees, who complained a bit today when we started our second day in a row.

With the iPod, I anticipate no further problems (barring injury of course) with keeping up at least an M-W-F schedule of running. I'm going to change the chart on my wall from weight to exercise – just an E in a box for a day I exercised, a P in a box for a day I exercised on the previous day, a W in a box for a weekend (which I have off if I want because I said so), and an L in a box for a day on which I was lazy and did not meet any of those other three criteria. Sweet.

Thanks to my trusted advisor who gave me the iPod and helped me set it up. I get it now. It is really fun. Oh, and the toe? Fine. No pain, good sprints. Injury over.

Lazy

2008-07-14T11:22:00.002-05:00

I mostly have stopped running. I had a few very busy days and a few days where I had the kids from sunup to sundown and beyond, which just destroys my energy and my mind. I need to start again. Soon. How to motivate??? "I am not going to run" was not meant to be an absolute.

And Again With The "Next Week"

2008-06-26T12:36:00.004-05:00

How many times have I posted a new start date for exercising? But um, next Monday. Yeah. Going to really get out there and see what I can do. The left big toe is still slightly oversized but you know I have to run sometime. I signed up for the 2008 Twin Cities Marathon...5K. So goal? I could say 25 minutes, I guess. Yeah, 25 minutes. That's my goal.

Had lowest weight since weigh-in began - 206 - and have generally noticed weight around 208/209 this month whereas last month was most often (median) 212. So the eating part is working. I have added a microwaveable sausage, egg, cheese biscuit to the training table every morning. I read on the internet that this helps a person feel full all day and my experience suggests it is so. Well, that's probably more than enough computer time. Time to go play with the family.

Lazy Bum

2008-06-16T19:56:00.003-05:00

My toe hurt a little more after I did a very, very short run on Friday morning. Expletive! It is frustrating not to be able to run or to feel like I might be hurting myself worse by doing so. I was thinking of running this morning early, but had trouble sleeping related to toddler and perhaps the diet coke I had around 6:30. I think no caffeine after noon or so is going to have to be a rule. It was like I could see through my eyelids. Eyes were closed, but I wasn't asleep and I felt like I could see the room. It looked like the lights were on even though they weren't. Very strange night for me really. Uncommon, thankfully.

Inspired by Tiger Woods winning the U.S. Open in the most dramatic possible way (including a bum knee) I may just run Wednesday morning and the toe can fend for itself. Good luck, toe. I wish you well, but you're coming with me and you'll kick your share of dirt. Gear up.

It's The Eating, Stupid

2008-06-12T14:24:00.004-05:00

So here's what I've found. I haven't really exercised much in the last several weeks due to injury. I exercised slightly in Chicago last weekend, but ate like I was on vacation, which I was, and ended up back at 215, my weight when I started the program/blog/etc. Then I ate like I was back at home for four days and dropped to 207 with no exercising at all. I'm going to start exercising again tomorrow morning for real. Yeah. It's all set to go. It's all gonna be great.

What's my point? I guess it's that you don't have to exercise to lose weight, but (I think) it helps. We'll see.

Oh, and Bill - What did you want for a prize? Do you have an Urban Rust CD? That is the default prize due to dramatic overstock at the warehouse, but you can hold out until I finish The Shapely Bottles if you want.

Good Exercise Weekend

2008-06-07T09:39:00.004-05:00

35 minutes of eliptical yesterday morning (10, then 15, then 10, with breaks) and 25 this morning (15, then 10 while watching a 25 year old Jets-Dolphins game) plus approximately 1400 miles of walking around downtown Chicago yesterday has left me feeling pretty good. One more morning in the hotel tomorrow, then I think I will try resuming regular running on Wednesday of next week.

I have suspended the new eating habits pretty much. I was basically forced into eating a triple "cheezborger" yesterday at the legendary Billy Goat Tavern deep underground below the Trump Tower. "Step down! Step down! You big guy! You need triple! Yeah, you need triple!" Sure enough, I did. This, I believe, is the place that inspired the Saturday Night Live sketch.

And I had two sausage and egg muffins at the hotel free breakfast. I read on the internet that that is healthier than a low fat bagel with cream cheese and that the protein in the egg can keep you feeling well fed all day, even if meals are erratic, as they can be on vacation.

The Pain Of Idleness

2008-06-02T19:51:00.003-05:00

I did not go running this morning as planned because I went for a walk yesterday and I think it aggravated my injured toe ever so slightly. Also I did not technically go to sleep until 6:30 a.m. courtesy of a librarian (and Bride) recommended book I could not stop reading, Isabella Moon. Probably not good for the healing, but the toe was elevated most of the time.

I did, just for fun, start reading a book today called 4 Months to a 4-hour Marathon. It is just a coincidence, I assure you, that the Twin Cities Marathon 2008 is in almost exactly four months. General registration is closed, btw, so even if I wanted to, how could I get in? I would have to have an inside contact who worked with the event. Besides, I am injured! And old! And creaky! Youch!

With this blast shield down how am I supposed to fight?

Strangely for being injured, weight has continued to drop. Now at 208 - lowest yet. Given that I am not exercising, I think I must have changed my eating habits. I do not eat for any reason other than being hungry, and then only before 7 p.m. or so. I am used to going to bed hungry and it doesn't bother me as much anymore. Of course last night at the 400 Bar I did need a few late evening beers to fuel my interpretive dance performance, but that's another story perhaps better left for the music "career" blog.

The First Official "I Am Not Going To Run..." Blog Contest Idea just occurred to me. Who can comment with the source of this entry's title soonest? Will it be you? Will you win an Urban Rust CD? Does anyone want an Urban Rust CD? Does anyone want a box of 25 Urban Rust CDs?

The Flip Side of Discipline

2008-05-29T11:21:00.004-05:00

This week I still have the hurt toe, so I am forcing myself to not run. It is very difficult. I (and toddler and child, obviously, since I would have to get up if they didn't) slept in until almost 10 Tuesday and Wednesday. This may sound good, but it is NOT the way to start a succesful, routine (one and the same) day with a toddler and a child. I really, really want to get back out in the mornings to kick start my days. If all continues to heal I will try it out Monday, June 2. I am very tempted to try it tomorrow but don't want to risk further aggravating it.

Strangely enough, with very little aerobic physical activity AND with giving in to temptation last night with a big plate of cheddar cheese melted over (low fat, Target brand) triscuits during TNG, I acheived my lowest number at a weigh in since the beginning of the program, 210. Weird. It would seem, if I am learning anything from this, that I am learning that weight is not a very successful measurement of physical fitness for me.

On The DL

2008-05-26T17:36:00.004-05:00

Disabled List, that is. Didn't run this morning. Didn't do yoga. Did the weigh in and was up a couple pounds after not exercising since Thursday afternoon. Now going to go brush my teeth after big meal at 5 p.m. or so and not eat for rest of day. This resembles a twitter more than a blog, I think, but so be it.

Toe still hurts, so am wearing heavy steel toed sneakers most of my waking hours for protection and immobilization. But toe is healing. Intending to resume running one week from today. The Medica nurseline guy was exactly right. Swelling and pain went down, bruising became increasingly livid. At one point last night there was a purple streak all across my toes. Talk to you next Monday, when we return to the more familiar action-packed format.

This Could Lead To Excellence...

2008-05-22T17:59:00.005-05:00

...Or Serious Injury
-They Might Be Giants, "Spiraling Shape", Factory Showroom, 1996

(Expletives!!) I had just gotten used to the Monday-Wednesday-Friday 7 a.m. run. I've made eight in a row and not missed one! I thought I would play some racquetball today, Thursday. My foot slid hard into the left wall, my big toe is swollen and painful, and I can not even walk normally. (Expletives! Expletives!)

I hate having medical problems more than anything else I have so far encountered. Well, I might rather have medical problems that computer problems, actually. I mostly hate being forced into a diminished capacity for child care, music, and (expletive-ing) walking!! Bride just got braces and can't really eat and now I can't walk. What a pair. EXPLETIVE!!

On the plus side, Medica had an excellent nurse line service with a real person who was very thorough and an excellent communicator. He said if it had been broken or fractured I couldn't have continued to play on it, which I did for about five dumb, dumb, regrettable minutes. He didn't recommend seeeking out further medical attention and told me roughly what to expect - swelling will go down, bruise will become livid, should continue to return to normal.

Also interesting - The TMBG quote I used to title the post is found remarkably often in blogs as an epigram. (I forgot which song it was from and goodsearched the phrase (for Feline Rescue Inc., St, Paul, Minnesota, incidentally).)

Just When I Needed It Most

2008-05-19T15:23:00.005-05:00

Man, it was really hard to get up this morning. I was up much of the night listening to and trying to respond to toddler crying. I didn't actually make it out of bed before bride at any point I don't think, so didn't provide any useful help.

And when I was asleep I was having this dream I have sometimes of trying to visit New York City but getting stuck living in this semi-offshore tower that is mostly black steel girders with no definite walls. I could step any minute into a hole or off the edge and fall dozens of stories into the bay - rocks and waves. There are some vendors of food and clothes, but they're all sort of junky and seem unauthorized in a dangerous way. I can't get anywhere near any part of the city that you'd actually see on tv or in a movie or read about in a book. I can't even get to the ground floor. Somehow I just get hung up in this squatter society for an indefinite period of time. New York City frightens and confuses me.

So I had to get up and go run through this malaise. I had nothing happening in the automatic iPod, so I tried the blues stuff from Friday and it was all I had, so it had to work, I guess. I finished the run and the sprint was strong at the end so it was okay. This was the first day where I honestly didn't want to do it and I just did it because it's the program. Oh, and I weighed what is easily the median (that is, most frequently occurring for those of you who were merely annoyed by statistics class) weight for the program so far, 212. Yawn. I am so not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours. But I do feel better today than I would have without the run, so that's good.

Automatic iPod Part II

2008-05-16T15:20:00.003-05:00

So this morning I started the run with the Bob Dylan song Highway 51 in my mind. (Not Highway 61 Revisited, rather the folk song from his eponymous first album.) Then Elvis' Big Boss Man got in there and Jimmy Reed's "What's Wrong With You" or whatever that song is called. Soon I had a great big shuffle beat going and it was a blues based run. Since I was out in nature and literally didn't see another person on the path the entire time, I sang out loud.

Oh, baby! Honey what's wrong with you?
Whoa, baby! Honey what's wrong with you?
Oh you don't treat me darlin'
Like you used to do

Got me workin' bossman
Workin' around the clock
Want a little drink of water
But you won't let Meffis stop,
Big Boss Man
Oh, can't you hear me when I call
Well you ain't so big
You know you just tall, that's all

Highway 51
Runs right by my baby's door
Highway 51
Runs right by my baby's door
'f I don't get the gal I'm lovin'
I ain't gonna walk down Highway 51 no more!

And so on like this mixing up the songs and characters. It was an extremely upbeat run and I've felt great all day.

My Mind: The Automatic iPod

2008-05-15T11:49:00.002-05:00

I don't run with any external music, but this song was going through my head this week:

Friday Night At The Drive-In Bingo, Jens Lenkman

Well worth the $.99 if you are an iTunes user.

Staying the (Other) Course

2008-05-15T10:19:00.003-05:00

Just to mix it up this week I tried a different path that's more nature, less automobile exhaust. Eh. It's a little more alone-with-my-thoughts than the road path. I'm so used to being in fight-or-flight and watching for cars that I felt a bit unnerved by the silence, but will probably keep at it as it is probably a good stress buster. Hey, check that out! How many sentences do you see with five words in a row with exactly two letters?

Weight seemed to level off at 212 this week and Chazz suggested weekly rather than daily weigh ins. That's possible.

Snapshot: Last night we went to a favorite restaurant. Here's what I would usually eat there: 1) The majority of the family supreme nachos. 2) A bloody mary. 3) A spicy bean burger with massive-cut fries, both with spicy barbecue sauce. 4) Whatever anyone else didn't finish. On the program which will lead to me successfully not running the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours, I still ate #1. BUT I only drank water and I had a Caesar salad with no meat and left the leftovers for our takeaway carton. I still "skyrocketed" up to 214 this morning, but like Chazz said, that is within normal random fluctuations. And I FELT so much better than when I overeat. Aah. I even played a little bit of basketball at the park immediately after this meal and didn't feel like I was dragging around a second basketball under my shirt. Sweet.

Another Good Run

2008-05-09T21:44:00.002-05:00

Got up this morning and ran the sustainable course. Serving breakfast to toddler by 7:45. Mornings are feeling really great now and I feel better all day as a result. I was at 211 this morning after the run, so that's good. During my run I saw a woman in a parking space in a parking lot in her car with the windows closed and the car running. Then this happened in my imagination:

I walked over and tapped on the window and she just shook her head without looking up. I tapped again and she rolled the window down a crack and said, "What?" in a weary voice. I explained to her using metaphors, very moving imagery, and personal anecdotes that it was a sunny, beautiful day and she had a lot to live for. Also that the people who commit suicide are always the wrong people - the good people. Tears began rolling down her cheeks as she saw that I was right. She opened all the windows in her car and put it into gear. As I began to jog away she yelled, "Wait! How can I ever repay you! I don't even know your name!"

I grinned back over my shoulder and said, "Just call me angel of the morning, baby."

I think this daydream is indicative of my mental state this week. Good stuff.

Results

2008-05-08T10:28:00.002-05:00

Weighed in at 212 this morning. I didn't eat after six or so last night. The early evening brushing my teeth is working out. Is that the most ridiculous, unnecessary, self-involved sentence that has ever been posted on the internet? Feeling good. I actually feel eager to run tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to it. Crazy.

I Did It Again!

2008-05-07T08:21:00.006-05:00

Up and out the door by 7 a.m. this morning, ran the course I think I can sustain. I feel a lot less tired this week, but I feel very, very sleepy. Which is better than tired because then I actually sleep well. Also I invented a fun, indoor game for Child called "Try to keep Daddy awake while he lies on the couch resting his eyes."

At the weigh-in just now I weighed a baffling 215! So three days of exercise and not eating after 8 p.m. and I've...gained a pound. WTF? Oh, maybe it was the entire pizza I had for lunch and dinner yesterday. Remember how I didn't eat it the night before? It worked itself out. A good decision would have been to have left two or three slices for Bride when she got home. Now I'll know. Ha ha ha. As if that were how life works.

Anyway, while running, I thought of another reason I am not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in less than four hours. When I ran it in 1996 I did not know the area very well, which is an understatement. While they did have mile markers, they did not have much of an effect on my mind. However, now that I have become exponentially more familiar with the layout of the metro area, I imagine having self-challenging thoughts along these lines:

"Dear Lord, I've already run from the Metrodome to Lake Calhoun! Isn't that enough? Now I'm expected to run down to Harriet, then somehow get to the 94 bridge? And then run another eight miles through St. Paul to the Capitol Building!! Lord, not a chance!" At which time I peel off and drive home. (But without getting lost, as I would have had I left the course at any time in 1996.) Contrast this with my thoughts in 1996:

"Ooh, the Metrodome! I've seen that on TV! Hey, this is a nice lake! Wow, there sure are a lot of lakes! And here's a beautiful path along a river. Gee, I wonder what river this is! Is that a donut shop? Mmm. Smells good! Look at all these beautiful homes! And skyscrapers! And people cheering for me! Golly, this is the most beautiful urban marathon in the world! (phrase now trademark of Medtronic TCM). Oh, gosh, I'm done! I think I'll collapse in pain on the lawn of our state capitol building. Aaaah. Perfect! I'm 24!"

Forget it!

2008-05-06T15:32:00.003-05:00

So last night Bride ordered two large pizzas and we watched Curb Your Enthusiasm together after the kids were asleep. I flossed and brushed my teeth beforehand so that I would not be tempted, or at least so I would be tempted less, by the pizza. I didn't have my usual five-to-six-slices-of-pizza-I-didn't-need-at-nine-o'clock, plus I went running, remember? (Remember also yesterday morning after that run when I weighed in at 214?) So what was my weight this morning after this radical change in exercise and diet habits? 214. What the frick? I am SO not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours.

I Did It!

2008-05-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

This morning I got up at 6:45, stretched, and ran approximately 2.8 miles. Sweet. I weighed in at 214 and put the first dot on the graph. I'm eating well, I had more patience with child and toddler, I feel better than I did yesterday. Gosh, you'd think I was going to...No. No, I'm not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours. But I did put a book about how to do so on reserve at the library. Just for research.

I Am Not Going To Run The 2009 Twin Cities Marathon In Under Four Hours

2008-05-04T22:29:00.000-05:00

Hello and welcome to the brand new blog from Memphis Evans called "I Am Not Going To Run The 2009 Twin Cities Marathon In Under Four Hours". What is it about? Well. It's exactly what I said. I am not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours. There is simply no chance of this happening. What is it they say?

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

Well, what if you HAVE a plan, but your plan IS to fail? Where does that leave you? Or what about the following far more open-to-interpretation quote?

"She says there's no success like failure/and that failure's no success at all."

(Bob Dylan, "She Belongs To Me")

Yes, my plan is that I will fail to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours. There is no chance of that happening, so put it out of your mind and I will do the same. In the meantime, I am going to try to exercise and become more healthy. Why?

I am aging. I know, for a long time it didn't seem, at least to me, like I was, but now it most certainly does. My hairline is receding. My hair is graying. I sometimes (okay often) have to stop and think of the exact word I know I want to use. I take pride in my large vocabulary, inherited from my father, who used what we kids called "large language" with me from an early age, and I want to maintain it. Also, my voice is changing. When I sing sometimes the range seems smaller and pitch less reliable. Compared to my old recordings it sounds, frankly, somewhat old and fat.

Speaking of which, my weight is higher than it has ever been. I'm a big guy, about 6'2", maybe 6'3", and sometimes when people would ask how tall I was I would say I was 6 foot 4, 220 pounds as a joke to see whether anyone would call me on it. Well guess what. It's not a joke anymore. I have actually seen the evil, red, digital 220 staring back at me on the scale. My bones ache. My back aches. When I DO run I feel like there's a lead weight strapped to my stomach. Hell, when I play MINIATURE GOLF I chafe my elbows on my gut, for god's sake.

I look at pictures of myself from 2002 and I look young, thin, vibrant. I look at pictures of myself from 2008 and I look old, double-chinned, overweight, and exhausted.

So blah, blah, blah. It happens to everybody, or at least most people, and like my dad always says about aging, "It's better than the alternative!" True. But so that's where I'm at.

"What are you going to do about it? That's what I'd like to know!"

(Paul Simon, "Gumboots")

Well, what I'm going to do about it is four things.

One. I'm going to write this blog, probably around once a week. It's not a new idea. In fact, it's an idea that a very close friend of mine has had radical, life altering, highly inspiring success with in the last couple years. Visit ChazzVader.com when you're done here. His story is amazing. You could consider this, if I'm successful, a "cover" blog in the same way that when I sing "Suspcious Minds" it is a "cover" song. Like Chazz, I welcome your comments, encouragement, and stories of your own. (I will not, however, post anonymous comments. They always strike me as lazy.)

Two. I'm going to weigh myself every day, or close to it. And I made a graph of weight over time that I've hung on my bedroom wall. It's not elegant, but it's right above the scale. I can't miss it on my way out to go running.

Three. I'm going to go running and/or do yoga. I won't say I'll do it every day because I won't. I think I'll set an initial goal of three times a week. Yeah, that sounds good.

Four. I'm going to try to make good decisions about food. I LOVE eating chips, popcorn, bacon, bratwurst, etc. Especially while I watch tv. Every day I face food decisions and I usually go to the dark side. If chips are served with a sandwich I HATE leaving them on the plate. I feel like they will be sad chips and "go to waste" if I just throw them out. Perhaps I will put a gold star on the wall graph if I make good decisions about food or something.

So that's it. That's where we're at. Let's see where we go. And remember: I'm not going to run the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours. There is just absolutely no way, so just leave it alone!

What's that? Yes, it's true, I finished the 1996 Twin Cities Marathon. I have the official "finishers only" t-shirt and the medal is around here somewhere. But I was only 24 years old! My metabolism was, I now realize, jaw droppingly fast or high or however the very, very easy end of that continuum is described. I probably weighed about 160 and didn't even own a scale. I could eat Chinese Buffet four times a week, and often tacked on one or two entire frozen pizzas at night while watching two episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on a tv that was not only not High-Def, but was actually not In Color! It was that long ago.

Yes, I was behind the times. I mean, there WERE color televisions, I just didn't have one. Didn't even HAVE the black and white one, just borrowed it for a few years. And anyway, even then, with the race horsey/greyhound metabolism, the 24 year old body, and all the time in the world to train, I still finished just barely under FIVE hours and I was crying in pain when I finished. So let's be clear. I think I will be able to get healthier, maybe even get below 200 pounds, maybe live longer so I maximize my time on earth with my family, but I'll say this one more time:

There is no way I will finish the 2009 Twin Cities Marathon in under four hours.